


The breakup

by angelfiregirl80



Series: Prompts [47]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Broken John Watson, Broken Sherlock, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Marriage Proposal, References to Drugs, Sad John, Sad Sherlock, after season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9169414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelfiregirl80/pseuds/angelfiregirl80
Summary: During the ride, Sherlock pondered about the circumstances of said relationship. He did everything John wanted, everything he asked him to do… at some point, he stopped being Sherlock Holmes to become John Watson’s… something… And he could feel the blood in his veins boil, and guilt turned in to anger… He had given everything up to John Watson





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pissed!!!! How dare he??? He didn't even say "I love you" to her!!! while she was dying and then he acted like the self-righteous prick he is blaming Sherlock without knowing what the fuck happened!!!
> 
> I'm breaking them up until I know what in fucking hell happens in the last chapter... If they stay friends I'll resume my fantasy world, in the mean time... John Watson doesn't deserve to be loved by Sherlock Holmes... self-rigtheous prick!!!!
> 
> So fucking pissed!!! Sorry for the rampage! Hating Mofftiss right now...

Sherlock was done. He packed a bag, went down the stairs and walked out the flat, not looking back. As he climbed in the cab he received a text, it was him, with the same excuse ‘late because of work’, but Sherlock knew better… John had been receiving texts at odd hours, coming back late from work and had picked a new annoying way to get rid of Sherlock, blaming him for Mary’s death…

He thought they were past that, but it clearly was a mistake… He had also picked on the signals of John doing something he shouldn’t have while with Mary, but he let it pass… There was no need to blame John of cheating, much less when his wife had just died and they weren’t exactly on speaking terms… 

They talked after, long and hard… John had blamed him for everything and Sherlock had accepted the blame, he had accepted everything John had said, every word, every insult, every single disappointed look, everything John decided to throw his way, he had taken

In his mind, Sherlock felt guilty of everything, even inviting John into his life… If only he hadn’t accepted the phone that first day, none of this would have happened, he wouldn’t have spent two years of his life fighting to keep John alive, he wouldn’t have endured lack of sleep, torture, hunger…

He even endured John punching him for coming back, then making him his best man, watching him trying to get off with every woman he saw… but what made him feel the guiltiest was having a romantic relationship with John, entering into an apparently loving relationship with the love of his life…

During the ride, Sherlock pondered about the circumstances of said relationship. He did everything John wanted, everything he asked him to do… at some point, he stopped being Sherlock Holmes to become John Watson’s… something… And he could feel the blood in his veins boil, and guilt turned in to anger… He had given everything up for John Watson

He knew he shouldn’t do it over the phone, he knew it wasn’t the correct thing to do, but he also knew that if he faced John he would accept everything and will stay in a loveless relationship with the only man he had ever loved. With trembling hands he composed a text, a reply to John’s excuse…

Need time… Out of town SH

He hit send and watched the city pass by… His phone started ringing it was John, but Sherlock didn’t answer… The cab did a turn and there he was, John Watson in the flesh, leaving the surgery… To his bad luck, the cab stopped and John spotted him, he climbed in the car and Sherlock groaned

“WHAT THE HELL?” John shouted as soon as he closed the cab door “EXPLAIN” he looked at Sherlock with murderous eyes

“John…” Sherlock sighed and looked out the window, trying to steady his voice “I can’t do this anymore, John… I’m sorry” Sherlock took a deep breath and spoke before John did “I’ve tried to make you happy, but it’s noticeable I can’t… You don’t trust me enough to tell me what is going on with you, you blame me for everything, even though I’ve apologised repeatedly...” He tried to take a steadying breath but his lungs were on fire “I know you met someone” He felt the blood rush to his ears and his stomach plummeting down “I’ve known it since before…” He let out a shuddering sigh… he still couldn’t say Mary’s name “I’ll give you a week to move your things out of the flat… Please, be prompt” Sherlock used his best -I’m a machine voice- at the next stop he climbed out of the cab and ran, getting lost in the dark corners of the city

His heart was aching, he had no idea how he was going to survive, but he let his anger and frustration fuel him, the least he wanted was to see John Watson, the man he had given his life for and had received nothing but disdain in return. He pulled out his phone again and swiped the call of the screen, John kept calling him…

“I need pick up” He said to the voice on the other end and in less than ten minutes the ubiquitous black car was there, Anthea opened the door for him, still wearing black for Mycroft… Sherlock realised he was alone, his parents blown up, his brother dead and the love of his life hating him… forever…

He hid in his brother’s flat and walked to his brother’s room, the still lingering smell of Mycroft comforting him somewhat… He reached for the little box he had in his bag and took out the syringe… “It’s over” he said to the darkness and felt his throat close up tight… He was about to push the needle in his arm when he felt a soft breeze, a “don’t” whispered to the wind… the voice sounded like Mary, Mycroft, his parents, John, all at the same time… He threw the syringe away and crushed the ampoule down with his shoe

“It’s over…” he repeated to the light and soft breeze “But I’ll be fine…” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John realised that Sherlock was right, that he wasn’t worthy of such a man, such a caring human being, a man that had sacrificed his life for him many times in many ways and not once had asked for anything in return, not even the love he more than deserved. John felt ashamed and decided right there and then that he wouldn’t look for Sherlock Holmes again, that Sherlock deserved to be loved, cherished and cared for and that he wasn’t ready to give him what he deserved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still broken up... Let's see how the Final Problem goes and we'll talk... Still a bit pissed with John, but I might think of forgiving him... Let's wait and see
> 
> As always, thank you for reading my rambling and sometimes boring and idiotic ideas... Love you all and Happy Sherlock!
> 
> Sorry if I have offended anyone with my ideas and writing... I just want to kindly remind you that "You have a choice" and you can choose not to read

John was baffled, to say the least. He thought they were fine, he thought they were going to make it, but Sherlock had decided otherwise. It wasn’t the first time that something like this happened, Sherlock making a decision that ultimately would change both their lives.

Yes, he’d been irrationally irritable, mostly because of Rosie and the recent development in his life, and yes, he was taking the edge of his frustrations off with Sherlock; but he was committed to their relationship and he wanted it to work. He was going to therapy. Well, actually, his therapist was going to him and he would contact her whenever he felt he was about the explode

It was too much sometimes. Rosie a constant reminder of Mary, Mycroft a ghost that lingered in every corner whenever he caught a glimpse of a camera moving, his in-laws, the people he never really got to meet, the nightmares about the girl on the bus that ended up being Euros… And Sherlock, bless him… the man that had given everything up just to make John happy

He admitted to the affair to Mary’s ghost, the ghost of his past, right in front of Sherlock, the ghost of his present, before either one of them could become the ghost of his future… He was heartbroken, but Sherlock had mended him. They had talked long and hard and in the end, everything fit where it had to fit and they were together, finally!

But then the text, what the hell does “out of town” means, why does he have to leave. He finished his session, the woman leaving before him when he caught a glimpse of Sherlock in a cab and ran to the car -thank god for red lights- he climbed in it and demanded an explanation, but Sherlock simply left him, unable to utter a single word… Sherlock knew about “E” and then that other women had flirted with him before he pursued his one and only Sherlock Holmes, but now he wasn’t flirting, nor cheating, he was getting help…

“Please, pick up, just… pick up” And the phone went to voice mail again “I can’t do this over the phone, Sherlock, please” He left another message filled with anguish, despair, and yet, a bit of hope

He waited two days before contacting Greg, he kept calling Sherlock only to find no answer to his desperate calls. He asked Mrs. H to look after Rosie while he looked for Sherlock underground, every hidden spot, every drug den, dose house, everywhere, and he discovered a new Sherlock; a man that had done so much for so many, that demonstrated love, affection, care and many human emotions that had him absolutely baffled

John realised that Sherlock was right, that he wasn’t worthy of such a man, such a caring human being, a man that had sacrificed his life for him many times in many ways and not once had asked for anything in return, not even the love he more than deserved. John felt ashamed and decided right there and then that he wouldn’t look for Sherlock Holmes again, that Sherlock deserved to be loved, cherished and cared for and that he wasn’t ready to give him what he deserved

He made one last attempt to call him, took a deep breath and waited for the out voice message to start

“This is Sherlock Holmes, not taking cases at the moment, don’t leave a dull message” he had only the beep to find the courage to say what he had to say, another deep breath and the force of what he was about to say hit him like a ton of bricks and left him aching all over

“Love, I accept it’s over, I understand why now… I’m really sorry I couldn’t be the man you deserve, the man you need, the man you want… I’m really sorry…” his voice broke and he let the dam crumble “I’m not man enough to love you… I never was…” He choked on the last word “I’ll never be” he sobbed and tried to breathe “I love you, Sherlock, forever… Even if I don’t know how” He ended the call and walked back to Baker Street, packed all his belongings and called Anthea

“Tell him it's done" he let out a sad sigh, picked his bag up and closed the door to his life     

 


	3. Baker Street Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t” Sherlock tried to articulate… something… the words jumbling in his mind. He took a deep breath and tried again “I can’t keep doing this back and forth… I need to know…” His breath hitched when he felt John’s hand reach for his  
> “I can’t do it like this anymore…” John rubbed his thumb over Sherlock’s knuckles; taking the opportunity life was giving him “I was so afraid to tell you…” He sighed and looked at Sherlock’s blueish-greenish eyes and got lost in them “I was so afraid that if you knew I was… failing… you’ll leave me again…” John confessed and Sherlock pulled him into a hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The happy ending I promised. Long live Mofftiss and that wonderful ending. It was so open and it let so many opportunities in! From now on, now that I know what trully happened, I can keep writting them as I love them, happy and together, forever!!!
> 
> Enjoy, and as always, love the comments and kudos. I love you all and Happy Sherlock!
> 
> BTW, this chapter has three parts. If you want you can avoid reading about the fight in part two, although it makes no sense at all if you just read one an three... I'm sorry if I offend anyone with my ramblings, but as much as I love these characters, I know they are human and are portrayed by humans. Moffat and Gattiss did say they weren't writting a gay series, they did say they wouldn't end up together. Love what they have given us, love them like you love Ben and Martin and John and Sherlock, and enjoy that open ending they gave to us, that ending that keeps the dream alive and the oportunity for us to create our own universe!

**1**

It had been two months since the breakup, everyone tried to get them back together, to have them talk.

Greg, in his grief, invited John and pretended to bump into Sherlock. That was an absolute failure.

Molly pretended to receive a visit from Sherlock while babysitting Rosie and having John picking her up at the same time.

Mrs. Hudson practically forced them together for tea one afternoon, but “The Blitz” was a breeze compared to the moment they laid eyes in the other.

It took Rosie and a hospital visit for them to see each other and be… polite.

The baby was fine… Sherlock was fuming and John was pissed, but they’ll do anything for their daughter. The supposed fever was explained by the doctor as "a minor case of absence fever” Sherlock scoffed and John snorted, they both knew the doctor was lying. The doctor -an acquaintance of Molly and Mrs. Hudson- decided that the best “treatment” was for them to be together for a few days until the baby was feeling better… to share some with THEIR daughter

Sherlock scowled, John pursed his lips and clenched his fists… they both glared at the physician -who promptly left the premises before his body was one of the most wanted and less easy to find- In the end, baby Rosie -with Hudders and Molls’ help- got her way by clutching her tiny fist in Sherlock’s shirt and falling asleep in his arms. Whenever Sherlock tried to put her down she would cry and he was forced to stay put whit his daughter in his arms.

They had to go back to Baker Street for some clothes and Mrs, Hudson locked them in. The message was clear: Talk, or else…

**2**

“I’m done” Sherlock huffed after an hour of silence

“Well…” John shrugged and made an annoyed face “It’s not a ride in the park for me either” Sherlock just glared at him and rolled his eyes “I’m here because Mrs. Hudson has gone mad and she locked us in here. If I could choose, I’ll be out of here already” John checked his phone and wasn’t surprised it had no signal… He let out an annoyed huff and threw it on the coffee table

“Missing an appointment?” Sherlock asked with a snarl as he threw his own phone on the table

“Actually, yes” John pursed his lips and fixed his eyes on Sherlock’s. He could see the Detective trying to school his features into the cold mask of arrogance, but his eyes said it all. Betrayal, pain, anger, sorrow and fear went over his icy eyes, before they settled in resignation and a blank stare that betrayed nothing. “With my therapist” John clarified and Sherlock took a short breath before steepling his fingers over his lips to hide the trembling. “I’ve been seeing her for the past ten months” John continued, breaking the uncomfortable silence “But instead of going to her office” He scratched the back of his neck trying to figure out how Sherlock hadn’t found out about it “She’s been going to mine” He took a deep breath “She’s scheduled appointments after five, three times a week and she’s been helping me with texts and calls…” he blushed and looked away “Whenever I had a nightmare or couldn’t cope with all that has happened the past year”

“Why?” Sherlock was seething, his voice a whisper

“What?” John looked up and found rage in those otherwise beautiful eyes

“Why didn't you tell me?” Sherlock snarled, trying to keep his voice low, minding his daughter asleep on the sofa

“I had no idea how” John sagged in his chair

“No idea how?” Sherlock stood and started pacing like a caged lion, huffing and shaking his head, trying to understand when all went so wrong “We’re supposed to be partners” He said to the room “Are you ever going to trust me?” He asked, his voice betraying the emotion, utter sadness and anger.

“I do trust you!” John stood in front of Sherlock and the latter took two steps back. “Sherlock” John tried to follow but Sherlock pushed him away with a gesture of his hands.

“Don’t” He walked away and locked himself in his room. John followed, he knew he should and as soon as the door hit his face, he went to the bathroom and entered Sherlock’s room, he walked to the door and stood there. If Sherlock wanted to leave, he’ll have to go through him… John was ready to fight…

Sherlock looked up from the cocoon in the bed and covered his head again, grumbling something unintelligible. He kept thinking about all the wrong things he had done to John and how justified his actions were, but at the same time he had this nagging in the back of his head that reminded him of everything he had done, how much he had opened to John and the fact that, he too, deserved to be loved and respected. He was about to leave the bed and face John when he felt a hand on his shoulder and John was sitting next to him

“I’m sorry” John whispered and rubbed Sherlock’s shoulder. The touch, even under the duvet felt like fire and Sherlock jumped away, he needed time to process, to think, he needed to yell, he needed to do something other than to keep wallowing and drowning in self-pity. He still wanted John, but at the same time he needed to know if John wanted him… truly wanted him…

He scrambled out of the bed and looked at John “No” He snarled “Not like that” He rested his head on the bathroom door but didn’t dare to leave the room “You can’t just come in here and try to make me feel good, or needed, only to leave again when you think it convenient” He closed his eyes “I’m done with this, with you” Sherlock’s voice broke “I don’t want to be a replacement for…” He still couldn’t say her name “I don’t want to be just a body to warm you… or to satisfy your need” He was trembling “I don’t want this flat to be just a place for you to stay when convenient, or me becoming a sitter to your daughter while you… gallivant around” Sherlock finished with a shudder and he felt his knees about to give but held the door behind him

“How dare you say that?” John was standing in front of him, his voice low and menacing “You’ve never been a replacement to anything” his voice was trembling and rising “To anyone” He managed in a shaky breath

Sherlock snorted “I was the perfect drug until you found her, and after that you settled in what you think would make you happy” Sherlock continued his verbal attack with a low voice too “The moment you realised you needed more, here I was, waiting for you, as always…” He took a deep breath “You had what you needed, the wife for romance and the friend for adrenaline” He laughed a dry sarcastic laugh

John grabbed him by his lapels and shook him violently, he wanted to punch him “Don’t you ever” He snarled

“What?” Even in the position he was Sherlock maintained his cool demeanour, even though he was trembling “Tell you the truth?” He chuckled darkly “You’ve never been good at handling the truth; everything has to be sugar-coated for you. You’re always the victim, the one that suffers, that never gets a chance to be happy… Your happiness always depends on others, never on you… Nice thing never being responsible for your own actions” He grabbed John’s trembling wrists and removed them from his collar “Lucky you to always have somebody to blame for whatever goes wrong with your life” Sherlock pushed him away

That was it for John; he pushed past Sherlock and left the room, only to stand in the hallway remembering he was locked in the flat… He turned back and Sherlock was standing there, dark and sad eyes fixed on him, as if waiting for something… anything, really… to happen… John sagged his shoulders and crossed his arms over his chest. He knew Sherlock was right, but at the same time there were many things they hadn’t talked, they hadn’t cleared… Sure, Sherlock was right, but at the same time, John had all the right to feel the way he felt… He rested his head on the wall and looked up… Sherlock was still there

“You’re right” John admitted to himself and Sherlock “I know you’re right” He sighed “But put yourself in my shoes for once” He let his arms down and clenched his fist to the side “You reject me during our first dinner together, said you were not interested. The moment I show interest in someone else you dismiss them, as much as you dismiss me… You sent mix signals for years, and the... the bloody woman… You fucking saved her and then kept texting her”

“I TOLD YOU NOTHING HAPPENED!” Sherlock raised his voice and his hands over his head

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” John shouted “That’s not the point” He shook his head “The point is that you lied to me… you hid the truth from me…” He rubbed his forehead with his fingers. Sherlock was baffled; he was to blame for everything that was happening between them

“More to the point then… We made a mistake by getting together… I made a mistake by inviting you to my life…”He looked down, unable to meet John’s eyes

“So this is really it…” John could feel his heart breaking and void taking over his stomach and numbness taking his limbs. Sherlock felt the exact same way… He wanted to run, hide, get away from there, but at the same time he wanted to hold John; tell him he loved him; hug him and kiss him, John wanted to do the exact same thing… Sherlock tried to nod, to shake his head; to move, do something to stop what he was sure was going to happen. John could see his hesitation and asked again “Is it really over?”

“I can’t” Sherlock tried to articulate… something… the words jumbling in his mind. He took a deep breath and tried again “I can’t keep doing this back and forth… I need to know…” His breath hitched when he felt John’s hand reach for his

“I can’t do it like this anymore…” John rubbed his thumb over Sherlock’s knuckles; taking the opportunity life was giving him “I was so afraid to tell you…” He sighed and looked at Sherlock’s blueish-greenish eyes and got lost in them “I was so afraid that if you knew I was… failing… you’ll leave me again…” John confessed and Sherlock pulled him into a hug

“I could never leave you” He whispered the words to John’s head, kissing his forehead softly and running his hands over John’s back

“You did” John said to Sherlock's shirt and barely held a sob

“I had to…” Sherlock closed his eyes and hugged him tighter “I’m sorry, but I had to… We wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t…” Sherlock breathed John for the first time in months

“I know…” John breathed Sherlock “I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry” Sherlock grabbed John’s face and looked at him. “I’m so sorry” Sherlock breathed close to John’s lips

“Would you ever tell me what happened?” John asked as he grabbed Sherlock’s waist and pulled him impossibly closer

“Yes” Sherlock breathed over John’s lips

**3**

“Are you ready?” Greg asked. He no longer looked as sad as he did a few months ago, he was dating Molly now; she had managed to take care of him, to bring him back to life after… John nodded and smiled at his friend “He’s waiting” Greg nodded to the door and John took a deep breath and fixed his tie for the last time

Mrs Hudson looked up and patted Sherlock’s shoulder, brushing some non-existent dust from his suit jacket “ready” she gave him a little smile “You look…” She grabbed his hand “ready” Sherlock nodded and hugged her softly, placing a soft kiss on her cheek “Shall we?” She pulled his hand and Sherlock followed

The ceremony was short, Rosie was the flower girl; Molly and Greg were their witnesses, Mrs. Hudson and Angelo were there as their parents, Harry was back with Clara and in rehab for the last seven months, James and Mike congratulated them. Mike hugged John, James hugged Sherlock and the little event was soon over

Back in Baker Street, they danced until dawn, sharing kisses and caresses, holding each other close, taking their time, not turning the other on. The first few weeks after they made up they kept at it like rabbits (excuse the pun…) every single touch was fire, every single look was lust, every chance they had they’ll be at each other, kissing, fondling… etcetera… With time, they created their own routine and after four months of being back together, John proposed and Sherlock proposed at the same time, they both chuckled and said yes. They planned a small ceremony and got married a month later.

“Ready for bed?” John whispered against Sherlock’s lips and Sherlock nodded “Come love” He pulled him close by the waist and led him to their bedroom. John undressed Sherlock slowly; feather touches over his chest and back. Sherlock kissed his neck and opened John’s shirt with expert fingers. They pulled trousers and pants off and helped each other to bed. John opened his arms and Sherlock rested his head on John’s chest, hearing his heart beat

“Are you happy?” Sherlock asked as he caressed John’s chest lower and lower each time

“Very” John took a deep breath and leaned his head on Sherlock’s, his hand going up and down over Sherlock’s back, the scars no longer triggers to memories now that he knew how he got them “Are you happy?” John kissed Sherlock’s forehead and let his hand wander further down

“Much” Sherlock kissed John’s chest and looked up “Have I told you how much I love you today?” His hand arrived to his point of interest and gave a little squeeze making John squirm

“Nope, not today” John smirked and grabbed Sherlock’s buttock, squeezing it lightly

“I love you very much” Sherlock leaned up for a kiss

“I love you, Sherlock Holmes, always will” John kissed him deeply and pulled him close, only to push him softly and crawling on top of him

“And I love you, John Watson, my husband” Sherlock surrendered to the kiss and before John made him moan and whimper he whispered one last word “Forever”   


End file.
